An open letter

Yesterday I found two things. The first thing I found was a job. A full time one which has irrevocably changed the future of my life here in australia. It's a very well paid job compared to what i am used to back home. ...the second thing I found today was myself.

I would like to open this letter to my grandparents who have stopped at nothing to try and make my life as normal as possible even though sometimes to my detriment: their hearts have always been in the right place.

Last morning, I thought I had lost my laptop forever and everything including my passport and cellphones. I woke up and it was gone from the common room where I had fallen asleep. I asked at reception, rang all of the clubs I was at last night and spent two hours wandering aimlessly down the Sydney center streets at the end of my tether. I was crying, and wondering what next was going to happen to me. Clearly, karma hated me and I deserved to have my whole life ripped apart even in this new country...

I was ready to get on a plane and move back home without a clue how i would pick up the peices. My laptop you see, is my lifeline to the world and (at that time) my only source of income. Not to mention how many novels and essays I had written and not backed up anywhere. ...this morning I was desperate. So i called home.

My grandparents are not rich in fact they are far from it. They heard immediately the alarm in my voicea and bank transferred me enough money so as to buy a new MacBook, and a plane ticket for next week.

I made an agreement with my grandfather that if i didn't find a job by today (friday), i would come home and live with him again. He wants me to come home being lonely and i can totally understand that. However... something amazing happened and the gods spun their roulette wheel in my direction for once in my life.

My bag was found and given back to reception at 10am, and i had to quickly surpress my devastated but relived emotions because i had an interview at 11am. I got that job on the spot; $26 NZD per hour. Twelve hours after that, someone handed in my laptop charger that i had separately left behind and then this morning I got a phone call from my manager at this hostel I do free online marketing for in exchange for rent. She wants me to work on reception at night. Not one full time job, Morgan. Nope, the universe is now telling me I am worth it, I am desirous and appreciated and wanted. I just didn't look hard enough in the beginning. It had to be at the final moments of my first journey and on the day where things could have gone horribly south.

I could have lost everything on Thursday. My MacBook, my passport, my livelihood and my creative works. I could have been broke, and on my way home failed at 'starting my life over' yet again. But then.... someone or something intervened and decided that at the eleventh hour it would grant me reprieve so that i could breathe finally and begin to unwind all of my negativity and hurt. Karma gave me back my bag but only after reminding me in very stressful terms that I need to be irrevocably careful with not only my belongings but my feelings: maturity.

The universe forced me to call back home (a place i had been avoiding) to remind me that while I want to be away from my grandparents that I do still have childish tendencies. Reliance, support, and monetary backup. I can no longer ignore the fact that despite the strangely locked up childhood I had that I did in fact have a good one at the end of the day. I can't look past the idea that without my grandparents I would not be the creatively worded person I am today. Not many parents spend an hour a night reading to their child anymore. I had that throughout grade school and it set me up for eloquence and greatness. Not many people whom grew up with grandparents were just "given" their own computer at age thirteen. It wasn't theirs, I didn't have to share it. It was mine. I used to wisely, sometimes, stupidly... but at the end of the day I am excellent with technology in some part thanks to my forward-thinking grandfather who forked out three thousand dollars over eight years ago to get me into the loop of I.T.

I feel complete.

I feel happy.

I feel like, I don't have any more regrets.

I feel like, I know how to make good decisions.

I feel like, I won't be getting an overdraft, credit card or personal loan ever, while i'm in this country.

I feel like, I don't have to be angry anymore.

I feel like, my mother has been watching over me as a guardian making sure I am always okay.

I feel like, even though some people in my family don't really want to know me that is their bad. The onus will fall on them one day when I am successful.

I feel like, I have motivation to succee.

Ideally I see myself in five years exactly where I am right now. Subject to determination and full of hope.

The ideal is happiness, which is the object of our real wish and the goal of all of our efforts...